Things I don’t understand after being married for a year

This is a guest post, from the frequent victim husband of the blog’s owner.

Stacy is generally a wonderful human being, but she can also be a little strange, which you may have guessed from previous posts detailing her totalitarian sandwich ordering or how excited she gets about having an old loyalty card work. There were a great many things I adjusted to during the first two years of our relationship, but now that we’ve been married for a year, there are certain things I’ve resigned myself to never really understanding.

  1. The appeal of ‘informative murder porn’, which she’s watching next to me on the couch as I type this. If I turn on the TV upstairs, there’s at least a 99% chance it’s currently tuned to Investigation Discovery, Oxygen or, occasionally TLC. I can get behind a good detective story, and even something like Netflix’ Making a Murderer, but these shows… The interviews aren’t good, but the acting is worse, and seriously, how many different puns can you make about murder?
  2. She’ll occasionally make up colors, which she’s mentioned before. That said, these colors are defined as whatever Stacy’s thinking of at the moment, and they’ll be presented as the authoritative name for a given shade. Melon & Coral may or may not be different things depending on…who knows.
  3. Walking. Everywhere. Some people enjoy walking, but given complications, like distance or weather, it will typically occur to people that there are other methods of transportation. Not my wife. In freezing rain in January, Stacy will bundle up in 26 layers and mentally prepare to walk several miles instead of thinking “Maybe septa won’t be that awful today”. This obviously also applies to the hills of Seattle.
  4. Delayed intoxication. We’ll occasionally be out drinking with friends, and we’ll have a few drinks. Stacy has always kept her composure while out in public, but sometimes, half an hour after we’ve arrived back home and I’ve sobered up, she’ll start bouncing around the house yelling “Wheeeeeeee!” and generally terrifying our poor greyhound.

There are, of course, many more. I could write entire posts on her musical taste (featuring both the Divine Comedy and Hillary Duff, sometimes in a single sitting), but I have to keep some things tucked away to use in revenge for future posts detailing how she’s messed with me that time.


Review Of Graham

My favorite photo of Graham from our wedding


Happy Anniversary, Graham! Thank you for a wonderful year.



PS. Apologies for the crappy formatting of this post. There were a lot of technical difficulties.. I finally gave up because I already lost an hour and a half working on this post instead of spending time with my husband on our wedding anniversary. Did I mention he’s patient?

In The Mood For Summer… Indoors – Film Watch 2

badlands3I finally got Graham to watch my other favorite summertime film Terrence Malick’s Badlands from 1973. Like a lot of Malick’s other works, it’s divisive. You either love it or hate it. 

The film is loosely based on the 1957-1958 murder spree of teenage couple Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate and stars Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek. It starts out in small town Port Dupree, South Dakota with what seems to be the innocent meeting of Kit (Sheen) and Holly (Spacek), but as Holly’s voiceover foreshadows, “Little did I realise that what began in the alleys and backways of this quiet town would end in the Badlands of Montana.” Continue reading

In The Mood For Summer… Indoors – Film Watch

I’ve been suffering from brain-melt the past few days thanks to the heat index pushing the temperature over 100 in Philly. We’ve been trying to spend as little time outside as possible. It’s been a good excuse for me to pull out my two favorite summer films. Just as winter never feels complete without watching A Christmas Story all the way through at least once, there are two films that have become a summertime tradition for me.takethiswaltz7Today, I got in my annual viewing of Take This Waltz (2011), Sarah Polley’s second feature length film as director. I love watching this film every year because it’s so… PRETTY. Continue reading

Corpse Reviver #2

Corpse Reviver #2Those who know me, know that I prefer my alcohol in the form of whiskey.. preferably a rye.. and typically not mixed with anything other than ice if anything at all. 1470867061797Summer’s a different story. Thanks to a friend of mine who introduced me to the glory of a Pimm’s Cup, we make sure we have a bottle of Pimm’s on hand during warmer months. However, the heatwave that tortured Philly last month had me craving something lighter and more refreshing. Maybe it was the sentimentality playing on my tastebuds – before bourbon, I wouldn’t drink anything except gin – but I found myself in the mood for a Corpse Reviver #2.

Sadly, I’ve been disappointed when ordering them at bars as there always seems to be at least one ingredient missing, but I did have some luck at Goat Hollow where the bartender wasn’t familiar with the drink but was up to the challenge.

I figured it would just be easier making it at home. Since we FINALLY got all the ingredients last weekend – tracking down absinthe was a pain, I thought I’d share the recipe on the blog.

Continue reading

Everything’s Coming Up Milhouse

The best part of being in Seattle wasn’t seeing old friends (if you’re reading this guys, sorry.. although you were in the Top 5), showing Graham around, having drinks again at Unicorn, or a bunch of other things I was excited about during the trip. No, it was this:An UpdateThe fact that my old QFC Advantage number still works!

I didn’t think that feeling could be topped so soon, but then this happened:Everything's Coming Up MilhouseYes.. those are the trypophobic-inducing asiatic lilies.. and yes, that’s a compost bin. Thank you, Graham for helping me pry those suckers out of the ground and for being so much less of a jerk than me that you didn’t chase me around the yard with them.


Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat?

Like a lot of people, I have insecurities about my physical appearance.. like my underbite.. and my lack of a butt.. and my weight. I can’t really do much about the first two on that list, but at least I could follow my cyclic ritual of getting into shape..

Spring = Jogging -> Summer = Jogging-> Autumn = Jogging (maybe) -> Winter = Binge myself into hibernation

This summer, however, I’ve been incredibly frustrated. Thanks to my herniated disc, I haven’t been able to go running since April. Although my back has been getting better, working out has been confined to physical therapy exercises that are absent of any kind of cardio high. Without being able to go jogging, or walking everywhere, or even tackling housework other than sweeping and washing dishes, I was convinced I had been gaining weight.

So I was pretty surprised to notice that my shorts seemed looser, and I was having to tug them up a lot. I didn’t think too much of it until I started having to pull up my underwear too.

YES! In spite of missing out on the cardio and upping my burger intake (thanks, grilling season) I’m losing weight! A follow-up visit to my doctor confirmed that I’d lost a few pounds.

I went through my closet and found a dress I wore 2 summers ago, wondering if it just might fit this season.

Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat

YAY!!! That’s also a new haircut =)

Actually.. that totally didn’t happen.. at all. It went like this instead:stickdress2

No, that’s not me pregnant. It’s me – hello, summer, I didn’t lose any weight and that scale at the doctor’s office was lying.

That’s when I realized though…

Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat

And…Do These Pants Make Me Look FatI’d lost weight all right. All of it from my butt!.. that thing I’ve had to sit on for most of the summer while participating in marathons… of Investigation Discovery. I had lost weight in the one place I really needed to gain it! =(

If the above model wasn’t helpful in explaining, maybe this simple line drawing will help:Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat

That would be me on the right.. without the butt. Not that I ever really had one.. but at least I had just enough of one to keep my underwear up. I think Graham just bought some duct tape on a Home Depot run.. I also found this website:

34 Ways to Use Duct Tape for Survival

And if you click on the link and checkout the domain name, I’ll tell you this.. No, the irony did not escape me. And I’ve just created usage 35.